Hello dearest church family,
I listened in on Sunday to Max’s sermon, not knowing that it was written to me! I am grateful for his honesty and for his compassion. And I am more than grateful for the reminders of what Paul said, “we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2Cor4:8-9) and “for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2Cor4:18).
I will write here, for all the world to see, what happened in my ordination interview. Please understand that I do not need or want to discuss any of this. I only want you to know what happened. I walked into the interview on March 4th expecting it to be like my District Committee on Ministry interviews, collegial and supportive. The trouble with that expectation is that the Board of Ordained Ministry interview is not designed for that purpose. The BOM interview is an examination of the quality and character of the individual applying for ordination. It is an intense review of one’s understanding of theology, of United Methodist doctrine and polity, and of the sacred sacraments of baptism and communion. There are other questions as well, but I will admit to you that these are the areas where I struggled. To be completely transparent with you, they asked the questions, and I gave answers that did not meet the standards of a person seeking ordination. I did not adequately prepare myself for the situation. I have been out of school for 6 years and even though I have spent much time preparing for this single interview, I was not ready for it. No excuses either. I had many folks offering to help me, and I did not ask for help from any of them.
My journey to ordination is complicated. It is taking longer than I wanted and, at times, seems like torture. My dear friend and colleague Cantrice Robinson asked me that very evening, “is it fair to put a time limit on God?” She did not know at that moment of the outcome of my ordination interview. But she knows that heart of God. She knows that God’s time is not our time. She knows that God’s steps are not measured in human understanding. Reverend Cantrice Robinson reminded me that I am not called to the UMC, I am called to share the gospel of the risen Christ to a world that is dying. Today I have hope. Tomorrow is another day, and I will try to have this same hope again tomorrow.
When you see me Sunday, do not feel pity for me. I actually would like to forget this entire thing, except for the part where I work harder to be ready for whatever God has in store for me. I do not want to discuss any of it. I want you to know that my commitment to St. Matthew has not wavered in the least. We will wait together for that time when General Conference makes their decisions about the service of LGBTQ persons within the UMC framework. Until then, we do not have anything to do except love God, love our neighbors and love each other.
I look forward to seeing you this weekend. I missed you, Mary